Life can only exist because of death. The sooner we realize it the stronger we start living. (c) Reshma Valliappan April 10th 2013
Yesterday someone took my interview and asked me where I get my strength from. If it is a single schizophrenic experience or is there something else. I told her:
I think everyone should get schizophrenia cause then you will have no other choice or option but to wake up every single day.
I think as ‘schizophrenics’ we are dying every day and this in a strange way makes us wake up to tomorrow.
We know there are many schizophrenics and we allocate many other conditions such as depression, anxiety, suicidal outburst, anger outburst to the condition. However, how many schizophrenics have you heard of who commit suicide? We might attempt many but a lot of us fail and still live on with our schizophrenia. The ratio of suicide is no less different than to another condition. But again, how many people attempt suicide more often than the schizophrenic?
To me, my mind has no filter and perhaps because of this ‘no other option’ it puts me in a situation where I really am busy trying to interpret my messages, decode the conspiracies around me, tune in to what the aliens are telling me through television, listen to voices that have drowned my immediate reality…
In a very strange way, my schizophrenia gives me no time to engage in suicide as much cause I have all the above to complete. When I do think of suicide it comes from a place where the world rejects me. Where people fail me. Where I feel there is no room for a schizophrenic to exist in. We really don’t ‘fit’ anywhere and so we choose our walls.
The day we actually do succeed in suicide is the day we’ve likely completed a lot of what we’ve been doing and when we look around us we wake up again to the world which still hasn’t changed. Which still rejects us. Which still condemns each other. Which still has no courage to accept and be different. Then we choose to die for real, cause we’re tired of being the only ones doing it. It takes a toll on us you know. We too are human despite our delusions. We should be allowed breakdowns too even if we have found our weird ways to live the same world. But for how long?
Everyone should get schizophrenia, cause then the world will be forced to be kind to each other. It’s a good excuse to be good to be another human.